dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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