So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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