she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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