Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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