Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
