Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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