Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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