We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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