There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
