i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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