yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
