There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
