I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
