someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
