dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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