3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
