Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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