My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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