I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
