Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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