It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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