My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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