One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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