How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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