dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
