Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Drunk is a universal language darling
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
