Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
