I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
