I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
