new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
