Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
