Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
