I need help removing her.
only if we run a train.
done.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
