aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
