now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
