i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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