Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
