He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
