I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
