does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
ttyl tear gas
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
