strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
