Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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