You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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