trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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