On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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