My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
