all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sobbing to NWA
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Terrible idea I love it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
