just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
