just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
