everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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