he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dear god my vagina.
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