Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
