It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
