He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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